Caister 2010

Erks travelled to Caister in Yarmouth for the 18th year in succession for the annual festival of basketball.

Returning from last year were Declan, Keith, Mark (aka Drench), Shakes, Robin, Polish Pete and Sharon James (as scorer). Returning for his first appearance for 4 years was Gary Glennard (joining Keith and Declan as the only players remaining from the original 1993 Erks team that won the tournament). The Erks were joined this season by:

Southend Saint - Darren Hughes (Darren had hoped Southend Saints would have their own team this year but following the humiliation of being thrown out of the Essex Cup for blatant cheating, he decided to join the Erks).

Errol Seaman - formerly of Forest, Eastside, Hainault, London Towers, Manchester Giants, Hackney & Eastbury Tigers.

Marius Poskus - Eastern European comrade of Polish Pete.

Noticeable absentees were Garbage time Dave Churches (not allowed to go to Caister anymore because his girlfriend won't let him). Jonny Lee and Chims were also absent due to "alleged" work and cricket commitments respectively - although Johnny Lee's girlfriend let the cat out of the bag at the recent Essex League play offswhen she told several people that she wouldn't let Jon go either.

Friday evening

Although the dates for Caister were confirmed some six months ago, Pete left it until the day before the tournament to ask his employer if he could leave early on Friday to ensure that he could make the Friday night game. His employer told him to "clear off" meaning that not only was Pete going to miss the Friday night game, but Marius would also miss the game as he was travelling in Pete's car. With Keith already scheduled to miss the Friday night game (due to his Morris dancing Friday evening session), Pete's meticulous planning left his team mates completely bewildered and also facing the first game with 7 players.

The first game up on Friday evening was Bury Bull dogs - a team that Shakes has played for the last two years in the Suffolk league. In an attempt to endorse his own basketball credentials, Shakes tried to "big up, several of the Bury players. However, Shakes' analysis of his team mates proved to be as useful as his non existent rebounding skills as Erks dominated from start to finish behind 17 points a piece from Drench and Errol.

In his post match interview, the coach of Southend Saints (who was at Caister for the "Annual Funny Clothes Wearing Conference" of which he is the Chairman) noted that the Bury players and Erks players must have all known each other for years and years and years - based on the over friendly (if not unfunny and boring) banter given by Bury Players to Erks players. When this was put to Gary, he noted in his usual dismissive manner that "their behaviour drove him mad as their false laughing, joking, brown tongue behaviour was completely disproportionate to how long and how well they knew us" (ie not at all).

Final score: Erks 49 Bury Bull Dogs 23.

Prior to heading back to the camp, a post match enquiry was held in the bar. The enquiry was not in to the Bury game but was in to Darren and the embarrassing expulsion of Southend Saints from the Essex Cup competition. Darren tried to explain that the coach of Southend Saints said that the competition rules were very unclear on the following very clear rule:

"If a player has not played in 50% of the team's league games, the player is not eligible to play in the Cup Semi Final or Cup Final"

Darren's explanation of his coach's comments appeared to be completely inconsistent with the rule which was circulated (in English and in clear words of two syllables or less) to every club in the league. The league had also contacted the coach of Southend Saints on 2 separate occasions warning him not to play any glory hunters that had transferred to Saints in the middle of the season from Southend Players (the current club of ex Erk & Club Debtor Steve Herd). In spite of all this, the aforementioned coach of Southend Saints (who is always subject to spurious post match interviews following Erks/ Saints games) defied the rules (and logic) and the league's clear instructions - hence the humiliating exit from the competition. Darren had no choice but to agree!

On being asked of his current "stinker" status, Robin presented his phone to the team to illustrate his gallery which comprised of numerous "scantily clad" young ladies in compromising positions. Robin beemed with delight whilst his teammates seemed to be impressed with his string of girlfriends until Darren & Mark presented their phones with the same pictures of the same ladies - all downloaded from "bollockystinkers.com". Unlucky Robin - good hand shank material - but that's allÉ..

Back to the camp where Keith had now arrived and all off to the club for the night's festivities and drinks.

Robin was sporting a psychedelic outfit which included a neck scarf belonging to Declan's mum. Keith's antics lead Gary and Declan to consider replacing Keith's current nick name of "Scarlet" for "Nigel Havers" (for the youngsters out there, Nigel Havers is an actor who starred in a TV serial called "The Charmer" ). The debate continues although it appears likely both nick names will be inter changeable in the future.

Saturday

The team awoke on Saturday morning to the self appointed cordon bleu chef of the Erks (Robin) exercising his culinary skills with the frying pan. Following the breakfast, they travelled off to the University of East Anglia for an 11am game versus a team called Mash, a team comprising of a few fat blokes who did a lot of shouting and a lot of fouling. With Declan dominating the defensive boards (as noted by Drench) and Robin goal hanging for easy fast break lay ups Erks run out comfortable winners with Robin leading all scorers with 17.

Final score: Erks 56 Mash 26.

Next up was SEAE, a team comprising of young army recruits. Erks raced out to a 21 - 6 lead with Marius, Shakes and Robin all looking particularly hungry against weak opposition. In addition to Shakes scoring four points, he registered his first ever rebound at Caister in over 12 years!

Gary also joined the fold and achieved two blocked shots - being Gary's first block since his infamous block on Garbage Time Dave Churches in the mid Essex play off final in 1994.

Final score: Erks 48 - SEAE 13.

On to the final group game versus Lowestoft Jesters who looked to be the strongest opposition in the group. Mark, Marius and Errol hit the first 15 points for the Erks before Pete added more to take a comprehensive half time league 25-12. The second half was more even with baskets being traded until two pivotal points at the end.

Gary and Declan did the "throwing the ball at each other at the half way line" to Errol's disbelief and disgust causing Errol to shout "what are you doing man?". Pete then went on a single scoring spree of 8 points in the final 20 seconds which was reminiscent of Garbage Time Dave Churches performance at Hull in 2000 (the vintage performance in which the oaf earned his nickname).

Final score: Erks 50 - Lowestoft Jesters 35.

Erks Ladies & the sleeping referee

The final Erks game of the day was the Erks Ladies who had to beat Colchester Tigers to progress to the next round. Referee Roger Bachus had obviously been subject to the electric fencing normally associated with restricting cattle movement - as he was unable (and unwilling) to move more than 5 feet from one of the baskets for the entire 1st half and most of the 2nd. With Erks trailing by 15 and the whistle hardly being blown for the entire game, Roger suddenly awoke to witness (and unbelievedly call) a foul some 60 yards away. Samantha Jones politely and quietly noted her surprise at this call by commenting "that's really bad" to her fellow teammates. Following Roger's eyesight coming back to life, his hearing followed suit and Roger then sprang to life, leap frogged the electric cattle fence and charged to the scorers' table venomously signalling a technical foul on Sam.

Unfortunately for the Erks Ladies, there was no way back and they bowed out at the group stage.

Everyone headed back to the camp where Mark nabbed 40 winks - unbeknown to him that when he awoke, one of his ears would be full of toothpaste.

Off to the club for the Saturday night where Marius showed everyone how Lithuanian basketball players act once they have consumed copious amounts of vodka. He paraded around lifting anyone and everyone up in the air. Clarification of this bizarre behaviour was sought from Marious's eastern European counterpart (Pete) who calmly explained that this was quite normal behaviour in nightclubs in the suburbs of Warsaw & Vilnius.

The drunken condition of the author of this article means that further events which may have been witnessed on the Saturday night have all became a blur and, in order to avoid being sued, no further reporting on Saturday night can be made.

Marius arrived back at HQ at 6am, claiming he had no idea where he had been. Rumours began to surface that there was strong Eastern European interest in Caister Castle (see the 2009 Caister Report for comparable Eastern European references) and that this is where Maruis had been.

Maruis then proceeded to bench press Darren. Clarification was once more sought from Pete who, once again, confirmed this is quite normal in Warsaw & Vilnius.

Pete announced in the morning that Marius had got into Pete's bed with him at 7am. It is still unclear whether this was to discuss Caister Castle - or whether there was an alternative agenda (please see Pete and/or Marius for further details).

Sunday

Erks drew Baddow Eagles for what appeared to be an all Essex quarter final. However, Baddow turned up with stockings, spider man clothing and numerous other items of completely unfunny northern type attire hoping to detract attention from the inevitable spanking they were just about to incur. Erks went to the half leading 34 - 8 - but not before Robin had left the court sporting a nice shiner picked up in a melee under the basket. Following Errol's missed dunk, Darren showed him how it was done with a thunderous slam which drove the crowd of 6 absolutely wild.. Declan and Gary did the slowest fast break on record - which was recorded at 23.8 seconds (just avoiding a 24 second violation). Another round of "throwing the ball at each other at the half way line" followed by Declan and Gary which was met with a somewhat warmer response from Errol. However, early indications that Errol will participate in "1 - 1 - 1 - 1 - 1" defence or "one and box" (the infamous Erks reversal of "box and one") are not looking good at the time of going to print.

Final score: Erks 65 Northern Baddow Eagles 18

On to the semi which was a repeat of last year's for Erks up, once again, against Old Skool Ballers - a team comprising numerous ex BBL & D1 players. With a much stronger team, the omens were looking good for the Erks but some easy baskets for the opposition and some solid defence gave Old Skool a 28 - 18 half time lead. Keith could find no way through, Mark couldn't get open and the main scoring threats came from Marius and Errol with some strong inside play on their way to 10 points each. Pete was the only other real scoring threat and Erks were soundly beaten by the competition's winners for the second year running.

Final score: Erks 35 Old Skool Ballers 52

The traditional goodbyes of the Erks players - which is usually comprised of handshakes and hugs - was somewhat bizzare this year as Gary wanted to leave asap and get back to see his beloved Spurs crash 4 - 2 to relegated Burnley. Instead of the usual hugs, etc in the bar, it now all took place in the changing rooms where Errol, Keith & Pete were still in the shower and Robin & Darren were practically naked having just got out of the shower. Neutral spectators of the naked, partially naked and fully clothed Erks shaking hands and hugging - quickly relayed this news to Brightlingsea who were just losing the final to Old Skool. Brightlingsea (who once again had recruited several ringers in their obsession to win Caister) quickly seized the opportunity of deflecting the attention away from yet another disappointing Caister campaign by immediately spreading the rumour that Erks are "benders".

Erks lawyers, led by their own in house lawyer Keith Pringle, swung quickly into action to dispel such rumours. They quickly obtained witness statements from Erks female companions from Casiter's yesteryears - including Piano, Flaming Red, Flaming Red's sister, Soaking Wet Face, 20p, Biffa, Honey Monster, Beetroot, Beetroot's Sister and, finally, the lady behind the counter at Waverney who cooked the hamburgers - in order to counter these false allegations. The homo sapien status of the Erks men was once again confirmed - even if the choice of female companions was called into question.

Church's offer of obtaining a statement from the "Adams Apple Bird" was kindly declined on the basis that it would probably strenghten Brightlinsea's claims!!

Erks 2010 Caister Squad (in shirt number order)

• (4) Declan McCusker - 18th Caister in a row - will he make it to 20? Behaviour somewhat muted compared to the 1990's but refered to to as "legend" twice over the weekendÉ
• (5) Mark Denchfield (aka Drench) - Erks 3 point king - 4th Caister for Mark but still seeking a winner's medal. Still has toothpaste in his left ear.
• (7) Robin French - Gordon Ramsey in waiting - but not if Declan's Mum catches him first to retrieve her scarf. Solid performances in every game.
• (8) Gary Glennard - former Caister MVP - assumed the coaching role but still rolled back the years to get a few blocks, numerous assists and the customary "nutmeg" against Baddow.
• (9) Polish Pete - Mrs McCusker (that's Declan's wife - not his Mum) thinks he is handsome - yet to turn this into form at the nightclub. Needs to stop thinking about Caister Castle which has become an obsession. Also, needs to book Friday off work for subsequent Caister tournaments.
• (10) Maruis Poskus - key find for the Erks - too much Vodka and romping with Pete meant the MVP and winner's medal will have to wait.
• (11) Nigel Havers/Keith Pringle - another solid season and Caister for the 40 year old. Former Caister MVP and current mid Essex playoff MVP. Still owes Erks £85 from Caister 1996.
• (13) Darren Hughes - great guy, great addition to the Caister squad - needs to learn how to ski with his eyes closed (please see Errol for further details)
• (14) Shakes - still the worst rebounder in Erks history but Caister would not be Caister without this Erks legend (and also legend of Bury, West Herts, Ware, Colchester & The Navy)
• (15) Errol Seaman - awesome player, came up big when it mattered. Best play of the tournament - Darren's ski accident (please see Darren for further details).

A big mention also to Sharon James who has been to more Caister with Erks than most of the above players. And the "Erks Ladies" - superstar players, superstar supporters and better looking than the Erks men.

(Posted 16/05/10)

Erks Dominate Essex Basketball.

Erkenwald Basketball Club achieved a hard earned clean-sweep of this season's competitions with a closely fought Play-off win against Brightlingsea Sledgehammers on Monday.

Having already won the Essex Met League, Essex Met League Play-offs, Mid-Essex League and Mid-Essex Cup, the Erks only needed to triumph in the Mid-Essex Play-off final to cap a very satisfactory season. Erks had already beaten their opponents in last week's Cup final, but Sledgehammers returned with a full-strength team, to try and reclaim their Play-off trophy from last year. The Erks who had had various minor contributions from fringe players throughout the season, turned up with their 9 diehards - totalling not far off 180 years of Erkenwald experience... Even the semi-retired Rella turned up, sniffing a chance to make up the 10. Unfortunately, Rella was swiftly directed to Rule 7.6b(ii) subsection 3, paragraph H of the legitimacy of players during cup games and play-offs. The same rule that saw Southend Saints unceremoniously expelled from the Cup competition for blatant cheating by giving any glory hunter a chance to play, by switching teams 90% through the season. Leaving Southend Players I can understand. To go and play for Saints with that coach, I cannot...

Anyway, back to the final.... The first quarter started pretty much where the cup-final left off last week. Baskets were being traded and with Sledgehammers breaking at every chance. A few lapses in concentration from the Erks saw their opponents go on two mini runs. Only the timely intervention of some Drenchfield treys kept the score respectable with Sledgehammers taking a 10 point lead by the end of the quarter. (26-16)

The second quarter couldn't have been more even, with it ending 21 apiece, leaving the Erks 10 down at the half. The only consolation for the Erks was that they were still to find their feet and far from playing their best basketball. (47 - 37)

It was during the half time break that Jonny Lee took the opportunity to accost Coach McCusker in the gents, suggesting a revised team, which did include his ample self... The Coach, not to be phased, clearly disregarded this lobbying for court time, by a) putting himself on instead and b) benching JL for the whole of the third quarter... The other noticeable event of the half time period was the three minute call by Ref X, as after further analysis, it was proven that this was the only correct call they gave all game...

The third quarter got underway with the Erks revitalised and eager to cut into the 10 point deficit. Unfortunately they could only do this by 1 point, as their lapses in concentration and self-discipline continued, allowing Sledgehammers to keep ahead whenever the Erks started looking good. The end of the third quarter saw the Erks down by 9, but still with the belief that it could be turned around. (65-56)

It was at this moment that Coach McCusker realised he had no choice now but to listen to Jonny Lee's reasoning and so on he went in place of Frenchy. With the defence now being tidied up, with both JL and Garbage filling the key and the three guards keeping their opponents honest, Erks clawed 5 points back straight away, with Keith 'MVP' Pringle getting his second wind, hitting two from two from the free throw line and then sinking a big three. Sledgehammers responded with 5 points of their own, but it was clear that the momentum had shifted in the Erks favour. Up stepped Garbage with a move inside and a three from the corner. This sandwiched two more free throws to KP. Drenchfield and Joe Matthews then traded baskets, before yet another two free throws from KP tied the scores. Then followed the move of the game. Orchestrated from the bench, Drench had the ball. "Use Jonny Lee" came the call from McCusker. "Where is he?" came the desperate cry from Drench. "I'm here" replied the calm, dulcet tones of JL, before a quick one-two round an oafish screen, saw Drench swish the sweetest of his 4 threes of the game. Erks had taken the lead for the first time since the 5th minute... Into the final minute and Jules scored to reduce the Erks lead to 1. Some steady possession from the Erks saw the clock run down, before KP was again fouled and sent to the line, calmly hitting them both, taking his tally to 10 from 10 for the game. Still the game was not over, as Sledgehammers had one final roll of the dice, taking a three to tie the scores with 2 seconds remaining. It rimmed out, leaving JL to rip the rebound down before being fouled. JL to the line with 1 second to go. Sledgehammers hugely relieved that it wasn't KP going to the line, quickly worked out a nutty inbound move, anticipating an airball and a chance to still draw the game. Unfortunately for them JL was cool as you like, slotting the first one home and then missing the second (as per the coach's instructions). The Erks winning by four... (78-74)

Erks scorers - Garbage 23, Keith 23, Mark 18, Pete 9, Jonny Lee 3, Martin 2, McCusker, Atkinson and French.

*** Correction. The above rule is incorrect and should be 'subsection H, paragraph 3'. The above rule actually relates to the amount of tubigrip, neoprene and sweatbands allowed per player, per skin covering percentage. Something we have to check Mark for prior to each game...

(Posted 04/05/10)

Erkenwald 78 Brightlingsea 74

Erks added the playoff shield to the Essex League and Cup titles - in addition to the Essex Metropolitan League and Playoff titles - to gain a clean sweep of all 5 senior Essex Basketball titles for 2009/2010.

Keith obtained the finals "MVP" and is believed to be the oldest winner of this accolade. Whilst Declan picked up the league trophy - 20 years after winning it as a player in 1990 - which is also believed to be the biggest "years" spread of winners medals as a player and coach.

(Posted 03/05/10)

Erkenwald 91 Brightlingsea 81

Erks gained revenge on their Cup Final tormentors from last year with a less than convincing win over an understrength Brightlingsea, by a flattering 10 point margin.

Hammers only turned up with 6 players, with ex Erk and non-club debtor Femi Ariyo having done the London Marathon in the morning and clearly showing no concept of commitment by wandering along mid-game and not taking part...

Nonetheless, a full strength Erks Team scored the first basket with a Polish Pete three-pointer. Baskets were traded early on and with Hammers breaking at every opportunity, the scores were a close 24 - 20 to the Erks at the end of the first quarter. The big men of Pistol Pete and Garbage Churches, using their height advantage. The highlight of the first quarter was a "tough drive to the basket" by coach McCusker - said coach McCusker...

Much the same followed in the second quarter with Hammers having to rotate their 'bench' due to their short numbers and Erks rotating their bench through foul trouble caused by the excess of wishy-washy, namby-pamby calls by the refs. Even Old Boy Atkinson managed to hit a three-pointer. Every Erk and past opponent knows this clearly isn't true as Lee bleeds out of his nose and ears if he even lines up to shoot outside of the the three-point line. However, the scoresheet proved medical science wrong... Hammers won the second quarter by two to leave them two down at the half.

The third quarter saw veteran Erk Keith Pringle step it up a gear and Post-up Pete also showed some nice touches. However, despite these two playing some strong offence, the Erks defence was often found wandering... With the Erks dominating play at times, they failed to pull significantly away and with the help of a Joe Matthews technical, Erks managed to ease past the Hammers by four points in the third quarter. Noticeable in the third quarter was the arrival of Handbags Pete who in between his strong moves, also showed plenty of 'hold me back' moves often associated with 17 year olds at kicking out time in village pubs...

Erks managed to keep their heads above water - just, and finally managed to hold on for the win, with the final score 91-81. Hotshot Pete leading the Erks scorers with nicknames and points. Can't help but think that the 'rematch' next Monday will be a little more hotly contested.

Erks scorers - Pete 31, Keith 23, Mark 12, Garbage 11, French 8, Atkinson 3, McCusker 2 and Overare. Jonny Lee was there as the official reporter.

(Posted 01/05/10)

Erkenwald 90 Cardinals 69

Erkenwald ventured to Waltham Abbey on a sunny Sunday afternoon looking to secure the Essex Metropolitan Finals to go along with the League honours. They faced thier old rivals Cardinals looking to avenge last seasons playoff defeat. The Erks were at full strength and started the game strong behind Sharp shooter Mark Denchfield draining a 3 as well as Vintage Pete and point guard Keith Pringle getting on the score sheet early to rack up a 10 point lead to start the game. Cardinals then began to get into the occasion with some strong play from young forward Jon Hinds and vetran Marvin Willson as well as their point guard Molner who hit back to back 3 pointers to bring them back within 2.

Second quarter saw Cardinals amp up the intensity and desire which Erks matched and saw each team trade points with Erks holding onto their lead throughout the half. Strong play from Piotr Prazych who had encountered some foul trouble, a tough baseline shot from Atkinson and 5 points from Robin French ensured Erks went into the half holding onto a 3 point lead. Key to the lead was both big defensive contributions from Dave Churches and Jon Lee who also were controlling the boards while Keith Pringle was keeping the offence well oiled even though he was struggling with grip on the slippery court. A new pair of Jordan V's were placed on order shortly after.

The third quarter began with Coach McCusker asking for more effort in recognising who is the Cardinals key scorers and ensuring they were to be kept as quiet as possible. It started well as Denchfield hit back to back 3 pointers but Cardinal's Seal, Molner and Hinds stepped up to give Cardinals there first lead of the game at 52-48 and caused Coach McCusker to call a time out to address the problems these players were causing as well as getting the Erks offence going. Up stepped Pringle and Prazych who had the Erks next 15 points to keep the game tied and the momentum in the balance. All seemed well until Cardinals seemed to then gain momentum with a rare technical foul on Denchfield as well as some fast break points off of turnovers had Erks needing to dig deep to ensure the game didn't get to far out of hand. Cardinals were finding success through Molner and him creating easy opportunities for his team mates Willson, Hinds and Gooden (no relations to NBA's Drew Gooden) which gave themselves an 8 point advantage.

The fourth quarter saw coach McCusker draw up a defensive masterpiece of a box and 1 defence with the energetic Robin French assigned to shadow Molner to keep the ball out of his hands. This worked as well as hoped as the Erks seemed to gain control and momentum at the key point where the game was ultimatly going to be decided.

With Jon Lee and Churches adding their presence inside and Pringle and Denchfield outside the Cardinals offence started to slow down. Along came the pivotal moment when Denchfield grabbing an offensive rebound from a wayward Prazych shot was fouled on the play to gain 2 free throws. Seal to his amazment protested and was duely given a technical foul for his efforts. This along with his frustrations at getting torched by his opposite numer then seemed to lose his marbles and his jersey as he stomped around the court continuing to swear and protest his frustration and apparant innocence. This then led to another technical giving Denchfield 6 free throws in a row which he duely dispatched cooly taking his tally to 29 and giving Erkenwald an 8 point gap and possession which resulted in Robin French hitting one of his two 3 pointers of the game.

The Cardinals, with time running out on their trophyless season, became desperate in their offence which then lead to easy scores for Denchfield, Pringle, Prazych and Overare. The lead ballooned to 18 points with Pringle adding 3 more to his game total of 16 to add salt to the wound. Each player contributed to the win and League success which saw Erkenwald crowned Essex Metropolitan League and Playoff Champions for 2010.

Scorers: Erks

DENCHFIELD - 31, PRAZYCH - 27, PRINGLE - 16, FRENCH - 8, CHURCHES - 4, LEE - 2, ATKINSON - 2, McCUSKER, OVERARE

Scorers: Cardinals

MOLNER - 18, WILLSON - 15, SEALE - 14, HINDS - 10, GOODEN - 8, LEE - 2, OKWEI-NORTEY - 2, GABRIEL, ANDREW, ORELLO, DUPUIS

(Posted 15/04/10)

Erks face Cardinals in Play Off final on Sunday 11th

Erks will play Cardinals on Sunday in the EMBL Play Off final. The game takes place at Waltham Abbey Sports Centre (EN9 1LF).

Tip off is 13:00.

(Posted 07/04/10)

Erks 91 Lakers 52

On Tuesday Night Erks took on the WALTHAM ABBEY Lakers which proved to be a scrappy game as always and I dont mean Scrappy as in Scrappy Doo!.....

The Erks started with the usual Coach McCusker speech about how Erks should play simple basketball, not get involved in that "load of old B*ll*cks scrappy game" that the Lakers play but play to our advantages (i.e. inside game and shooting) however Erks went out in the first quarter and ignored all of this!!!

Denchfield started the game off with a quick trey followed by Pistol Pete dropping his fancy footwork inside for the bucket. After this the game would be back and fourth but with the Lakers some how winning every offensive rebound while Church, Pringle and Pete were standing under the basket having a chat about who would score Erks next basket.

But before the first quarter was out, French decided to take the game into his own hands with a few strong rebounds (despite being the Erk's smallest player on the floor) and also scoring two lay ups to get himself started on the score sheet. The first quarter ended Erks 17 - Lakers 10.

The second quarter started again with a Coach McCusker speech about how Lakers were winning every offensive rebound and how Erks were involved in that load of old B*ll*cks and that if Erks continued like this, instead of cruising to the Playoff Finals, Erks would be down to the wire and possibly missing out on the Essex Met Playoffs.

With this clearly going in one ear and out the other, the Erks continued that load of B*ll*cks with not rebounding, taking bad shots and bad defence. allowing the Lakers to get them selves back into the game. It took Coach McCusker to step on the floor and take charge on the game, he showed Church, J-Lee and Pistol Pete how to rebound with a few strong offensive and defensive rebounds. He then rolled back approximately 30 years to show Pringle how to "Slice The Lakers Defence, Like A Hot Knife Through Butter" with scoring a lay up through three dazzled Lakers players.

Denchfield was taken out of the game as for the first time in the season not getting into double figures which made way for French to come back into the game who hit a quick three and also Pistol Pete scored inside for a couple of easy baskets to close out the second quarter. The second quarter finished with Erks scoring 22 - Lakers 18.

Now Coach McCusker was quite annoyed at the fact Erks were still only 11 points ahead of Lakers and wanted more!..... He stressed for the Erk's to rebound and make some good shots.

The third quarter started quite quickly with Pringle making his way early into the paint for a hard lay up that he clearly got punched and close lined on but with no foul as the female ref took a shinning to him and wanted to see just how strong he was!!

Erk's number 8 Martin Overare was also on the floor and for some unknown reason can not make the simplest of wide open lay up's or jump shot's, but put in a a pump fake, spin and round the world twist he can make every basket. Overare went on to perform four of these Circus Harlem Globetrotter Lay Up's in the third quarter (for the bench of Erks it was quite enjoyable but puzzling to watch as he missed the easiest lay up in the world prior to these). The Erks finally listened to Coach McCusker and saw out the third quarter with Erks scoring 27 and the Lakers only scoring 3 points in that quarter.

The fourth quarter started with some more of that load of old B*ll*cks in the first opening minutes... But as through out the game it took Coach McCusker who got a strong offensive rebound and put back and one more lay up. Also more of Overare's circus act lay up's and some sharp shooting from French behind the arch to close out the game for Erk's to get their well deserved spot in the Essex Metropolitan Playoff Final on Sunday 11th April, tip off 13:00 at Waltham Abbey.

The game ended Erks 91 - Lakers 52

Scorers: Pistol Pete - 22, Pringle - 15, French - 13, Church - 13, Overare - 12, Denchfield - 9, McCusker - 6 and J-Lee - 2.

(Posted 01/04/10)

Erks 103 Players 67

Erks went on the road Thursday night to play Southend Players in a must win game to keep their back to back championship aspirations alive. Without veteran point guard Keith Pringle the Erks still fielded a strong line up including Denchfield, Vintage Pete, Big Jon Lee, Churches, French, McCusker, Overare, and Atkinson. The opposition also fielded ex Erk Steve Herd.

As the game tipped off the focus went on newly improved wing player Robin French who this season has displayed a consistant threat from outside as he made 2 three point shots in the opening minutes as well as solid inside play from Churches and Vintage Pete. However the Players weren't ready for the offensive onslaught Denchfield had in store as he exploded for a season high 51 points which was only 16 points shy of the whole players team combined, including 14 three point makes as well as a number of inside scores and double digit assists and rebounds. The onslaught was of such magnitude ex Erk forward Steve Herd had to walk out of the gym and leave the game as he was overcome by a sever case of helplessness!

As well as this Kobe Bryantesqe performance there were other strong performances from Coach McCusker who seemed to muscle the opposing number 4 down low for some easy scores. As well as Johnny Lee and Church controlling the offensive and defensive boards and Vintage showing the emaculate footwork of an Eastern European All Star it was a comfortable team performance from Erkenwald. It also must be mentioned that in the final seconds Coach McCusker called the ring a ring a roses defence to ensure confusion in the opposing ranks. This was executed to perfection as the opposing team were dumbfounded for 16 seconds before laying the ball into the very much open basket.

Erks scorers: Denchfield 51, French 19, Vintage Pete 14

(Posted 23/03/10)

Erks 113 Forest 50

Erks went into their last Essex Met league game, knowing that a win would confirm them as Champions...

Despite going into the game without a single recognised ball-handler (both Scarlet and Polish Pete having a night in), the Erks, for once did not make hard work of the game, even though there were some pretty shoddy individual performances...

Erks began, as normal, in a man-to-man defence - instantly throwing themselves into a state of confusion with the Forest No 8, as she isn't a man. Whether this was pure sexism on the part of the Erks team, assuming that as she is a girl she can't play or more likely, not wanting to be seen as a leering sexual predator, she opened the scoring unmarked, despite Churches attempts to get his less than agile frame closer, to use his 16 inch height advantage. Once realising that Churches was the only player not marking anyone, he promptly picked up No 8, only to have it shot back in his face to leave her two from two within the first few minutes.

Erks rallied to help Churches and with some steady offences and their greater size advantage showing in defense, it gave them a first quarter lead of 31-12.

It wasn't all plain sailing in the second quarter as stand-in guard French, was consistently stripped by the Forest No 9. This will no doubt have dented the sales of his dvds he's been trying to flog via his Facebook page - which led the rest of the Erks to think that the recent film clips have been severely edited or that it may have even been a stand-in. Either way, he still can't spin two balls in one hand.

Erks finished the half 60-28 with all players registering on the scoresheet. Notably Robin, who was having trouble keeping up with the skill and speed of the opponents and managed to pick up three fouls. Old Lee 'Twinkle Toes" Atkinson was turning back the clock and was consistently shooting from 15 ft - even managing at one point to shoot from 16.5 ft, but at such an angle that he still managed to release the ball from 15 ft. However, he was shown up by the slowest of head fakes and this from 45 ft. It should also be pointed out that Jonny Lee was 100% from the free-throw (that's baskets actually scored), showing that cometh the time, cometh the man and in crunch times he can still be relied upon.

Erks usual third quarter malaise continued, with them edging it 22-21. No 9 was shooting 3s in French's face, Churches was getting turned inside out in the paint and No 88 (when he remembered to stay in the court) was having a field day with Elvis.

A strong finish by the Erks, ended offensively with Declan and Martin taking it in turns to goal hang and defensively with Jonny Lee, showing no further pity for his opponents, blocking about 5 shots in the last 3 minutes. The Erks with a 31-11 final quarter, giving a final score of 113-50.

Erks scorers - Lee Atkinson 24 (about 12 from 14), French 21 (balls stripped - 3, passes to own team members in opposing half - 4, fouls - 3), Churches 18, Elvis 14, McCusker 11, Martin 10, Denchfield 9 (all in the first quarter) & Jonny Lee 6.

(Posted 17/03/10)

Erkenwald 82 Brentwood Mavericks 68

Erks went into their penultimate Mid-Essex league game full of confidence and ready to show why they are league champions in waiting... With the exception of Martin who had already advised he'd be late, the Erks were all present and correct and ready to warm up properly for the first time this season... Sadly the refs wanted to be home for 10 o'clock to watch the semi-finals of the Lithuanian version of Strictly Come Dancing and so the 1 minute whistle was ready as soon as Babs had finished scribbling names on the scoresheet.

The first quarter was pretty even, as both teams played rubbish.

The second quarter was also even, as despite reverse psychology time outs and team talks by Coach McCusker, the Erks were still playing like Southend Players...

Somehow, the Erks had managed to get their noses ahead, leading 39 - 32 after the first half.

Much of the same ensued, with the Erks being slightly less rubbish than their opponents in the 3rd quarter and so managing to stretch their lead to 61 - 48.

This was just as well, as they could only just scrape the final quarter 21 - 20. This was mainly due to Grinch (Erks #7) fouling out, but always managing to let the player score whilst fouling them...

Highlight of the evening was to follow, as the refs tried to understand the scoresheet and decipher Babs scrawl, eventually signing it, but in the 'under protest' box...

The only positive from the evening was Jonny Lee's season high (only 4 off his career high), scoring the same as Pete on the night... Usually, the only time he scores the same as Pete is when neither of them play... He did manage to shoot another airball from the free-throw line, but this was later analysed and confirmed that someone had left the door open, causing a draught.

One more game for each league and then the play-offs and cup final.

Erks scorers - Chorches 20, Grinch 19, Pingu 15, Drenchfried 10, Lee 8, Prazych (couldn't decipher this one) 8, Mousker 2, Overall & Arkinsas.

(Posted 10/03/10)

Saffron Walden 45 Erkenwald 81

Nothing like a 1 or 2 hour drive on a Sunday evening for a tough game of basketball...

It was the hosts who roared off into an unassailable 22 - 2 lead.... Sadly for them, this was in turnovers, with the Erks, for once, playing good help defence and then breaking to good effect. Unfortunately, Robin was 0 from 2 on his fast break lay-ups. Why he doesn't dunk it, as he does in the warm-ups is clearly a mystery to one and all?

With the Erks playing some good, patient offense, they ended the 1st quarter 24 - 8 up, with Drenchfield scoring half of the Erks points. However, he finished the quarter missing two free-throws, much to the amusement of one of the refs who started trash talking him for being able to hit threes at whim, yet miss from the free throw line.

Much of the same ensued for the 2nd quarter, with the Erks leading 39 - 15 at half time.

Saffron Walden upped their intensity in the second half and this showed in the scoreline, as the Erks edged it 18 - 15. Notable event in the third quarter was the introduction of Coach McCusker, who had arrived late after a 2 hour drive and by his own rules, made himself sit out the first half for his tardiness. His appearance was short-lived, as despite his haul of 2 rebounds and 1 steal, his second rebound was his downfall, taking fingers to the face, leaving him with a few tasty cuts and scratches over his cheek and lip. He returned bloodied and repaired, albeit now looking like the Phantom of the Opera...

Martin had now come to life and was beginning to pick-up easy baskets on the break. Well, I say easy, as they would be to any normal player. Martin, like so many others, doesn't do what he does in practice lay-up drills. Either collecting it from behind the backboard (when he's the only player in the final 3rd) or opting to go under or away from the basket instead of straight to it, Martin managed to rack up a good few points, usually being fouled on the way...

Playing without their Coach, the Erks eventually closed out the game, although by now they were making hard work of it. The Erks' guards, clearly upset at the injury to McCusker decided they were safer out on their own 3 point line and so left it to Jon, Pete and Martin to try and out-rebound the whole of the opposing team.

The author of this report hopes that this is a fairer representation of the facts and not like the previous one that glorifies the author, writing their first report which coincides with a season high...

Only one question remains... What look will Coach McCusker opt for, for tomorrow night's game.... Will he go for the plaster on the top lip, or the slightly less popular Hitler 'tache where he is unable to shave the middle of his top lip properly...?

Erks scorers - Drenchfield 28, Martin 11, Garbage 10, Pete 8, Keith 8, Jon 2, McCusker and Robin (the rest).

(Posted 08/03/10)

Erks 94 Eastbury Tigers 63

On the 2nd March Erks went against their oldest rivals. Oldest being average age about 57 even including Lithuania's Gintara's young rejects.

Erks started with Pete, Lee A, J-Lee, Pringle and of course French in the first quarter. The Erks were first to hit the score board with a nice rotation of passing to find French out on the wing for a nice trey. But the Tigers were also hungry to get on the score board and came back with a couple of baskets and being sent to the three throw line early on.

Then came the turn of Pete who seemed to score with every touch of the ball on a run of 8 points within a couple of minutes. Drenchfield then enter the game and hit a couple of ok trey's nothing special as it wasn't off the dribble or fading away into the corner.

The Erks see out the first quarter up 26 - 13.

The Second Quarter see Drenchfield take off with another spurt of ok treys (5 in fact) in a row, with Tigers number 2 only answering back with a couple of easy through the lane lay up's. French then returned on to the floor where he was running the base line trying to loose the box and 1 defence Tigers has put on him. He was found open in the corner to let off a nice shot only to just rim out but being fouled in the process. He headed to the line and made 2 out of 3 free throws.

The second quarter was not a great show of talent for Erks as they only scored 11 to Tigers 25 in this period.

The 3rd quarter started with probably it's strongest team out Atkinson, J-Lee, Chims, McCusker and of course French. French was now running the point and with a few nice passes and a screen from Chims French was found at the top to hit an off the dribble Trey. Elvis, a new addition to the Erks in the last few games, came in and contributed a few inside jump shots and rebounds. French was also crashing the boards picking up a few rebounds. But also still Tigers number 2 was going to the bucket at will.

Pringle, Pete, Drenchfield all returned into the game all contributing points with a couple of treys from Drenchfield, Pringle making his way to the line and Pete with some fancy footwork to get him to the bucket. But still the Tigers were hungry for a win as the 3rd Quarter finished with Erks only scoring 19 - to Tigers 14.

A few hard words from Coach McCusker stated that the tigers were only one basket away from being within 6 points to Erks. At the shock of this the Erks went out in the 4th Quarter to close the game out.

A few more nice inside moves from Pete and big rebound from J-Lee see the points go up on the score board. But still Tigers number 2 was going to the bucket with ease. Cant think who was marking him, can you Drenchfield?.......

French entered back in the game half way through the quarter who came in and hit a succession of nice treys and also a couple of passes to Drenchfield who hit a 3 or two.

Also Atkinson and McCusker were on the floor. Atkinson pulled the trigger on a nice jump shot deep in the corner to get on the score sheet and also McCusker with a give go pass found his way to the bucket to also add to the score sheet.

The Erks managed to close out the game, but could of turned out to be a major upset if the Erks had played how they did in the 2nd & 3rd Quarter with Tigers taking the Win.

Scorers: McCusker - 2, Atkinson - 2, J-Lee - 2, Pringle - 7, Elvis - 8, French - 19, P Prazych - 22, Drenchfield 32

(Posted 05/03/10)

Erks 95 Brightlingsea Sledgehammers 93

On 16th February, Erks took on the Brightlingsea on their home court. The Erks were without Church who had just recently added another member to his ever extended family.

Starters for the Erks were as follows, Scarlet, Denchfield, French, Pete and "Big" Lee. The Erks started off well enough with the usual trading of baskets. Brightlingsea were without Ward, however they managed to recruit Leopards Big man, Greenan at short notice. As a matter of fact, this was the very same 6ft 10 inch centre who Legendary and ex Erks player Craig Morris, 5ft 10 inches dunked over in a national league game recently. I have it on good authority that the "put back" was "absolutely stunning".

The Erks took an early lead when Pete, Denchfield and Scarlet opened their scoring account with back to back treys. Pete as ever began to show the opposing team his array of spin and post moves, scoring at will. Matthews was the danger man exploding to the hole for Brightlingsea. French was not quite sure what to do defensively as Scarlet constantly shouted at him to play some kind of defence.

Martin and Elvis came off the bench and provided good support with Martin going to the bucket early and getting fouled in the process. He hit both free throws. At the end of the first quarter, Brightlingsea led by 1 point, 27-26.

The second quarter saw Greenan score 6 points back to back. Scarlet then started penetrating to the hole scoring in the process with "and 1"s. Pete continued to find the bucket. More surprisingly, French started scoring at will, hitting his second trey, followed by a pull up whilst dribbling with his left hand. He has been caught recording previous games and now has extensive footage of Denchfield shooting off the dribble. This DVD is now available at all good retail outlets manufactured and directed by Robin French. French is hoping that he can shift a considerable amount of units in order to pay his outstanding subs to the club.

Erks went on a run scoring 12 points before Brightlingsea responded. The score was 44-32 to the Erks. Brightlingsea brought it back to end the half with Erks winning 56-49.

The third quarter saw Denchfield heat up with treys and one of his many characteristic pull ups. Elvis joined the bandwagon, giving the Erks some much needed offence. The Erks seem to be doing well and the score at the end of the third quarter was 78-72 to the Erks.

The final quarter saw Scarlet go to the hole getting fouled in the process. Scarlet made 7 of his 9 free throws during the game which was as a result of Denchfield giving up his time on facebook and coaching Scarlet at the free throw line. Pete continued to be big at the offensive end. Denchfield continued in the same manner hitting his shots.

With Erks up by 2 points with 20 or so seconds left, Coach Declan called a timeout and gave specific instructions, not to shoot the ball until his say so. The Erks knew that Brightlingsea were going to pressure the ball. Scarlet got the ball and made his way up the court. He was being pressured by Matthews. He passed the ball to French who was invaded by an unknown force. What happened next can only be described as absolute madness. French shot a three pointer from near enough the half way line. Lucky enough, Brightlingsea did not score. Declan called a time out and with everyone having a go at French, he replied "I was open".

Pete was at the free throw line and hit 1 of 2 with 0.6 seconds left. The Erks won the game by 2 points, 95-93.

Much of the success of this game was mainly due to "big Johnny Lee" who remained in the game, providing offensive and Defensive rebounds. Not only did he set good screens offensively but was a constant thorn in the side of Greenan. It only leaves to be said that if the Erks played better help defence and stopped fouling the shooter whilst going to the basket, the Erks would have won the game by a bigger margin.

Oh and who was marking Jules who had a career high. Unbelievable!!

Scorers: Pete 28, Scarlet 20, Denchfield 20, Elvis 11, French 10, Big Johnny Lee 4, Martin 2

Brightlingsea top three scorers: Matthews 28, Jules 28, Greenan 14

(Posted 17/02/10)

Erks 71 Scorpions 45

For the 6th consecutive game in 2 seasons, Erks beat Scorpions - this time with a 1 sided affair - to go back to the Cup final for the 3rd successive season.

In line with recent games between the teams, non "playing" basketball issues seemed to be at the forefront of the mind of certain individuals. Extensive clarification of rule 46(iii) subsection 2(a) (zxsw) (vviiiii), subsubsection (ca)(3iii)(2iia3kjsii - 4asw) of "The Mongolian Rules of Fair Play" were sought before the game to ensure the non participation of certain players; however, this did not have the desired effect.

Some fans were heard shouting "Why don't you try to win the game by playing basketball instead of trying to win by default" but this was all in vein.

The high scoring game of 2 weeks ago between Erks and Scorpoins was not repeated as Erks stepped up the defence and kept the visitors to just 45 points (6 less than they scored by half time in the league fixture).

At the other end, Mark found his rhythm after scoring ZERO POINTS 2 weeks ago against the same opposition by hitting 19 points. Scarlet drove to the bucket with conviction picking up numerous fouls and the way to 11 points whilst Robin chipped in with 9 first half points and Garbage Time Dave Churches hit 8.

Declan could have hit 4 points but instead got blocked twice as it now takes him 3 times as long to get to the basket enabling defenders to walk to the basket and queue up for the impending block.

However, Polish Pete had the pick of the offence hitting 24 points with an array of post ups, spin moves, free throws and jump shots to leave his defenders totally bewildered - and out of the cup - again!!

(Posted 03/02/10)

Erks 79 Saints 60

Chims did the visual score for the first half last night and Erks were up 7 without playing very well offensively.

Vince took some terrible shots, Pete was going 1 on 1 from outside the key instead of getting position down low, so even if he beat his man, he was running into their big guy instead of scoring a lay up. When French replaced Keith at the point, he hit a few circus shots, but the offense completely stalled, with the result that Mark hardly touched the ball, so therefore when he did get a touch he shot it. French appears to have borrowed Broms's drive into the corner and then pick up your dribble move, so Steve Pearl spent a lot of time screaming "Dead, dead, dead".

On the plus side there was more shape when Keith was in and more chance of penetrating and moving them about a bit, Church looked sharp and was taking it to their big guy inside, when Pete got it close to the basket he usually scored and Vince could jump over anybody for offensive boards if he stayed around the baseline.

Defensively apart from being slower than them in transition and being outhustled for offensive boards, whenever it got into a half court game, Saints couldn't score. Plus their 2nd big guy had 3 fouls and Steve Pearl had laid into their young point guard to the extent that he was scared to do anything, so Erks pulled away in the 2nd half for the win.

(Posted 13/01/10)

Season's Greetings from Erks

Barking and Dagenham Erkenwald Basketball Club wish all their fans and players a very Merry Christmas and a bright and prosperous 2010.

(Posted 24/12/09)

Forest 73 Erks 131

Erks maintained their unbeaten start to the season yesterday with a visit to a new look Forest team.

Erks could not afford the humiliation of another Forest defeat so Jonny Lee and Richard Williams were dropped (previously losers at Forest). Lee Atkinson (another previous loser at Forest) kept his place but only on the strict understanding that he could increase the average age of the Erks by 48 years accordingly.

The new look Forest team included thirteen players, five of whom have obviously been lifting weights in the gym and the team even included a young lady for whom Robin and Vince argued all night over who should mark her!

Vince was looking to exceed his previous fifty point haul at fellow league minnows (Galleon) and this was done with considerable aplomb as he racked up 53 points, including at least ten dunks, twenty five rebounds, six turnovers, no assists and no passes.

Even Robin managed four passes throughout the game - although these were primarily after he had dribbled in to the corner, got himself stuck and despite wanting to shoot off balance whilst going out of bounds, had no alternative but to pass to one of his fellow team players.

In the end, Erks ran out comfortable winners with all six players making the score sheet - including Minsak. Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend was not there to witness the event so the likelihood of a post match celebration with her was significantly reduced!

Erks scorers: Vince Montrichard - 53, Declan - 18, Martin Overare - 22, Robin "shoot at all costs" French - 26, Lee Atkinson - 10, Minsak - 2

(Posted 04/12/09)

Hammers 76 Erks 69

Tuesday 17th November 2009 saw the Erks travel to Brightlingsea (Sledgehammers) for the clash of the titans, sequel 1.

The Erks started well stamping their authority on the game from the outset taking a commanding lead in the first quarter with the score 12-7. Both teams initially struggled offensively as a number of long range bombs were launched without success. Scarlet was being marked tightly by Matthews (now BBL player with Essex Pirates) and at first struggled with his offensive game. Eventually, Scarlet broke the deadlock and drove hard to the basket to break his duck.

Denchfield began to get loose with a dribble penetration move to the basket and a quick pull up from 12ft to get his offence underway. The Trinidadian, on the other hand was given the ball several times in a low post position. All what was required of him was to power dribble to the basket and lay up the ball. Instead he wanted to practice his 'triple toe loop 360 degree jump shot' without any success. The Erks would have been up by at least 15 points if those baskets were made. However this was not the only factor which led to the Erk's downfall which will be commented on the conclusion of the report.

The second quarter saw Denchfield unleash some much needed bombs as he took his personal unprecedented score for the half to 18 points. Frenchy came off the bench to contribute with a trey and played good defence to help the Erks maintain their offence composure. Hitman Lee and Garbage continued to rebound relentlessly and set screens. Unfortunately, this was not a game whereby the big men saw much of the ball offensively as quoted by Hitman Lee on being substituted out, 'Good luck Churchy, you may see the ball more than I have.' Although this was a common feature throughout the game, the Erks remained very much in contention with the Hammer's as at half time the Erks led by 1 point, 34-33.

The second half saw the third quarter finish a close affair with the Hammers up by two points, 55-53. Scarlet started to drive to the bucket aggressively with a couple and 1, but failed to convert on two separate trips to the line!? Garbage began to see some daylight down low on the offensive end and scored 4 points in the quarter. The Trinidadian drove to the bucket and was fouled on a couple of plays, whereby he failed to make good at the charity stripe. Again, Frenchy came up with a big Trey to keep the Erks alive near the end of the quarter.

In the 4th quarter, Scarlet drove to the bucket and was fouled 'and 1', I hear you shout. Scarlet made the bucket but failed to register at the charity line again. What followed was a stint where the Hammers went to the charity stripe 3 times only converting twice which was lucky for the Erks. At this time the Erks were down by 2. Ward of the Hammers then converted a post move. The Hammers were now leading by 4 points.

Erks on the offensive end panicked putting up long range bombs and ill advised shoots. Fortunately, the Erks were not punished and the game was tied up with Vintage Pete hitting his trademark turnaround shots in the post. The score was now 61-61. Scarlet continued to drive to the bucket and down the stretch missed two three throws. Again, I hear you say!! The Erks continued to battle, however, the Hammers proved that on this occasion, they had too much fire power for the Erks. The Hammers ran out clear winners. 76-69.

Scarlet was interviewed after the game and in his own words, 'Yes, of course I am disappointed. We have a great team; however there is a lack of understanding of a few as to what is required of them. It is human nature that when things are not going right for you, you tend to signal out others. This is wrong. You need to look at yourself. What is it you are not doing to help the team win? In addition to this we have no structure and we are over reliant on two or three players which should not be the case. As the point guard, this is my responsibility and I will take this all on board going into our next game. Lastly, we missed 9 three throws and I was responsible for 6 of those. I need to address this ASAP.'

Scorers: Scarlet 20, Denchfield 20, The Trinidadian 9, Garbage 8, Frenchy 6, Vintage Pete 4, Overare 2, Declan, Lee

Matthews led the Hammers scoring with 20 points

(Posted 18/11/09)

Report controversy

After the Erks v Brentwood Fire report was published, we received an email from a Mr A Ball, who complained about the way Erks forward, Robin French, had been portrayed in the report. We responded that we would look into the matter and make changes if they were deemed appropriate.

The matter has been investigated and it was found that there was nothing to change. In addition Robin admits "I had a shocker n deserve it so....!".

The matter is now closed however, in the interests of openness, the original email and subsequent response is here.

(Posted 13/11/09)

Erks 74 Brentwood Fire 56

The Erks started well enough with Denchfield, the Trinidadian and Scarlet finding the bucket early. The highlight of the quarter was to watch Frenchie turn the ball over several times and to shoot four air balls from the 3 point line all in the space of two minutes. This continued throughout the game. A post game conference with Frenchie revealed that he had recently been attacked by an unknown person and suffered bruising to his ribs. This of course led to him playing through the game in excruciating pain and his nightmare performance can only be attributed to recent traumatic events. The police have since circulated a wanted poster for Frenchie's attacker only known as 'Pinocchio'!!

Continuing with the game, Brentwood Fire was able to penetrate the Erks Defence and the first quarter remained a close affair with the Erks up by two, 15-13.

Coach Declan decided to switch the Defence to a zone. Yet another strategic implementation from Coach (aka Pat Riley) served the Erks very well. The Erks were able to pull away and by the end of the second quarter led by15 points. Denchfield once again hit two timely treys. Garbage and Scarlet added a pair. The Erks were truly in command of the game.

The second half was very much a one sided affair. Coach Declan made a very pleasing drive to the bucket and on another occasion caught a near enough impossible pass from Denchfield to score under the bucket. Overare posted his man up on the block and hit a turn around shot of the backboard. Last, but not least, the cornerstone of the the Erks team, 'hitman Lee' continued with his good performances by rebounding and setting solid screens not to mention an 'and 1' move made to the bucket. Erks never looked back once they had established a 20 point lead and ran out clear winners with the score 74-56.

Finally, the author of this report spoke to Vintage Pete and he is making a speedy recovery. He in fact stated in his own words 'I have had time to recuperate and during my convalescence, I have visited Caister Castle which proved very therapeutic.' Good for Pete. We will hopefully have him available for next week's clash of the titans encounter against Essex League runners- up Brightlingsea. This could be the league decider.

Scorers: Denchfield 24, Scarlet 21, The Trinidadian 12, Garbage 5, Declan 4, Overare 4, Lee 4, Frenchie 10 air balls, 10 turnovers

(Posted 11/11/09)

Erks 71 Baddow Eagles 54

The first quarter saw the Erks trailing as the Baddow team came out with more energy and Erks defence was a little suspect to say the least. Scarlet hit a trey and the Trinidadian kept the Erks in contention by scoring 8 of the Erks 14 points. Baddow led the quarter scoring 19 points.

In the second quarter both teams traded baskets with Denchfield exploding onto the score sheet with an impressive 12 points with an array of drives to the bucket as well as a couple of trademark treys. Who said Denchfield was a one dimensional player??? Scarlet continued to drive and penetrate helping the Erks to level scores at the end of the half.

The second half saw the Erks take control of the game. They tightened up their defence and were rewarded accordingly. Garbage time led the way showing great leadership by scoring 9 points ( including a trey) in the 3rd quarter. Johnny Lee made his presence felt by securing rebounds for the Erks defensively. Vintage Pete by his standards was having a very quiet game. What followed was a blow to the Erks team as Vintage Pete attempted to drive baseline against three defensive players and injured his knee causing him to fall to the floor in agony. Vintage Pete was helped off the floor and led to the bench where he sat out the remaining quarter. We wish Pete a speedy recovery.

The final quarter saw the Erks by now well in control and winning the game comfortably. To cap the night off, the Trinidadian became frustrated during one play and threw the ball at the wall. This resulted in a technical foul which saw the Trinidadian leave the court to eat some pine for his outrageous behaviour. Naughty boy! The final score 71-54. Erks remain unbeaten despite a rather lacklustre performance.

Lastly, the author of this report was approached by a certain unhappy player with regard to his last report ie 'Players game' in no uncertain terms, this player accused the author of favouritism and made claims that certain players were being mentioned more than others in the report. Need I say any more!! If you provide a significant contribution to the game, of course you will be mentioned!!

Scorers: Denchfield 20, The Trinidadian 17, Scarlet 16, Garbage 13, Vintage Pete 5, Frenchy, Nanang, Atkinson, Lee

(Posted 10/11/09)

Saints 67 Erks 77

Erks secured a hard earned victory on the road at Saints - coming from behind for most of the game to wrap things up in the 4th quarter.

A game high 25 points from Emmerson for Saints was all in vein as Saints failed to take revenge for Erks snatching the league title from them, and knocking them out of the Cup, last season.

Saints started brightly and, together with Erks failing to hit the target, found themselves 18 - 11 up at the end of the first. A further flurry saw Saints take a 33 - 17 lead with 2 minutes left in the half but a defensive change for the Erks saw a late rally to finish the half trailing by 10.

Defence stepped up again the the second half and, despite trailing by 3 at the end of the third, an 11 point haul by Mark Denchfield in 2 minutes at the start of the 4th saw the game swing in Erks favour. Jonny Lee controlled the defensive boards whilst Scarlet & Pete kept the pressure on the home side by hitting numerous free throws and Erks ran out comfortable winners.

In his post match interview, Saints coach commented "Once again, I tried all that shouting, prancing up and down the line, and giving that smug look to the Erks bench when we were winning - but it all came back to haunt me. I've had my smug look wiped off my face by Erks yet again."

Erks scorers: Mark 24, Martin 2, Pete 11, Scarlet 16, Garbage Time Dave Churches 5, Vince (aka Sedley the Trinadadian) 19 (but no dunks), Declan, Robin & Jonny Lee.

(Posted 26/10/09)

Tigers 63 - Erks 102

Erks rolled to a third straight Essex Met victory, topping the 100 point mark for the first time this season as Trinidadian Vince Montrichard laughed in the face of Mark Denchfield's claim that he would take down the Essex Met scoring title, by scoring 52 points including an alley oop, 2 tip jams and 4 dunks including 1 coast to coast behind the back move on former Gintaras and London Towers guard Aivaras Sakurovas.

Martin Overare added 18 points and Robin French chipped in with 16 on 34 shots as all 7 Erks players got on the scoresheet. For Tigers, Sakurovas lead the way with 19 points and Tsaliunas hit 12 before fouling out as the Tigers, strengthened by some new blood this season, kept the scoreboard ticking over but couldn't stop the Erks at the other end.

The Trinidadian's highlight play was converting an alley-oop from a perfectly thrown Robin French pass, and Vince commented that it was good to finally play with a point guard who knew how to deliver an alley-oop unlike that old guy Keith who usually plays. The degree of difficulty was highlighted in the second half, when Declan McCusker's first career alley-oop attempt missed the intended target by about 5 feet. Although it could have been a shot.

In McCusker's defense, since in the Erks NBL days the only people who could dunk were Ed Bailey in the warm up line and Dave Churches in a 9 foot ring at Stoke, it wasn't a play that he'd had cause to practise much.

Martin Overare also showed that whilst Pete may be in a league of his own when it comes to discussions about prog-rock albums, he doesn't have a monopoly on post moves. Although as ever Martin was 6 for 7 on double pump spin in mid-air moves and 1 for 6 on open lay ups.

Erks scorers: Montrichard 52, Overare 18, French 16, McCusker 7, Twinkle Toes Atkinson 5, Chims Williams 2, Nanang 2.

(Posted 23/10/09)

Erks 79 Players 67

On Tuesday 20th October 2009, Erks started their Essex League campaign by defeating Southend Players.

Erks started their Essex League campaign with Scarlet, Denchfield, Declan, Pete and Lee on the court. Scarlet and Denchfield between them shot at least 10 outside shots which failed to register. Vintage Pete was the only player who could consistently find the basket hitting 8 points in the first quarter. Meanwhile, the ever so potent Cooper for Players was held to just 4 points in the first quarter by Scarlet. The score in the first quarter ended with the Erks leading 13-12.

The second quarter saw Scarlet being more aggressive and he hit a three pointer followed by drives to the basket and short range pull ups. He was able to find Churchy and Overare through the use of 'the pick and role'. The Trinidadian made an immediate impact to the game by scoring 9 points in the quarter including a 3 pointer. Meanwhile, Frenchy decided that he would like to Mark Cooper. Cooper's eyes lit up and repeatedly, Frenchy was taken to the hole upon which Cooper was fouled leading him to the free throw line. Cooper finished with 10 points in that quarter. By this time, Frenchy was having nightmares as he thought it was déjà vu as last season Cooper single handedly scored 36 points on Frenchy. Frenchy clearly had something to prove!? The scores were level at the half way point 32-32.

In the interval period, Coach Declan was not happy with the lack of effort on the defensive end. The opposing team were breaking on Erks on every opportunity and as a result were being fouled as they drove to the basket leading to an 'and 1'. Coach Declan decided to change the team's Defence. This proved to be decisive.

The third quarter saw the Erks implement a 'box and 1' on Cooper with Frenchy face guarding and the remaining 4 players in a box zone. Cooper managed to score just 2 points in the quarter. Scarlet continued to drive to the basket and make shots. Scarlet started to find Denchfield who hit back to back 3 pointers which was the dagger as Erks cruised ahead. The Trinidadian, Churchy and Pete continued to find ways to score. Scarlet found Pete who sealed the third quarter with a last second three pointer. The Erks were now truly in command of the game leading 61-49.

The last quarter saw Pete go coast to coast on a number of occasions despite the fact that there was a team mate who he could pass to for an easy score. Pete needed to be reminded to 'find the open man'. Pete was reminded that there is no scoring title in the Essex League. Denchfield had won the scoring title in the Essex Metropolitan League last season. Pete had this blank and confused expression on his face and said he did not quite understand!!

The quarter was highlighted by The Trinidadian who stole the ball and went for a one hand dunk. Unfortunately he did not jump high enough and hit the front of the ring with the ball causing him to fall backwards onto the floor. In basketball terms 'he got a backy'. The bench were stunned as the Trinidadian can jump out of the gym. However, a minute later, he got another steal and redeemed himself with an emphatic one hand dunk. The concluding quarter saw the Erks win comfortably 79-67.

Erks scorers: Scarlet 20, Pete 19, The Trinidadian 15, Denchfield 10, Churches 7, Overare 7, Lee 1, French, Declan, Atkinson

Cooper for Players scored 20 points

(Posted 21/10/09)

Cardinals 54 Erks 79

Erks hit away form again with their 2nd straight win of the season at Cardinals. Cardinals were not at full strength with a key number of players missing and Erks took full advantage by dominating the first 3 quarters - holding Cardinals to just 33 points until the 4th quarter.

Erks had 4 players in double figures with Pete leading all scorers with 20. New addition from Trinidad Vince Montrichard continued to show his potential with another solid performance and 17 points and even Garbage Time Dave Churches chipped in with 16!!

Not all Erks got on the scoresheet with Declan & Jonny Lee both going 0 for 1 each. However, with Mark, Pete, Vince and Garbage Time Dave Churches hogging the ball for 98.4% of all Erks' possessions, it would appear shots for any other Erks this season could be somewhat limited..

Erks scorers: Mark 12 (prizes for guessing how Mark got 12 points ie 12 free throws, 6 lay ups or 4 "3" pointers), Robin 3, Martin 2, Scarlet Pimpernel Keith Pringle 8, Pete 20, Garbage Time Dave Churches 16, Vince Montrichard 17

(Posted 14.10.09)

Erks off to flyer

Erks got their season off in winning ways at Lakers in the EMBL on Friday. Despite most Erks not being able to find the venue on time due to roadworks and confusing diversion signs, Erks took control in the first quarter and never looked back.

New Trinidad man, Vince Demontrincind made an impressive Erks debut and, after shooting 3 for 15 in the first quarter, Vince eventually found his rhythm to lead all scorers with 24, including 5 dunks!!

Mark & Robin hit from the outside and all 8 Erks got on the scoreboard as Erks ran out comfortable winners.

Erks scorers: Scarlet Pringle 8, Garbage Time Dave Churches 3, Mark Denchfield 20, Robin French 14, Vince 24, Jonny Lee 2, Polish Pete 14, Declan 3

(Posted 11.10.09)

Vikki's pictures

We're pleased to report that Vikki successfully completed her skydive.

"Together we managed to raise over £1400 for the Parkinson's Disease charity and I'm so chuffed. I don't really know how to put my thoughts into words to express truly how grateful I am to all of you. Not only have you supported me in my moment of madness but clearly still hold dear the wonderful man for whom I did it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for simply being you. You're truly awesome!"

She also sent us some pictures of her jump:

(Posted 06.10.09)

Vikki Cooper's Skydive for Parkinson's Disease Society

Phil Cooper's daughter Vikki is doing a skydive to raise money for the Parkinson's Disease Society. If you'd like to sponsor her for the jump on September 12th, click here.

Phil was suffering from the disease when he sadly passed away in July 2007.

(Posted 14.09.09)

Caister 2009

Erks reached the semi finals last Sunday. Read about it here.

(Posted 19.05.09)

Hammers prove too strong in final two games

Despite losing the Essex Basketball League title to Erks, Hammers proved too strong again as they beat Erks twice to win the Essex League Cup (68 - 74) and the Play Off Final (73 - 91).

(Posted 07.05.09)

Erks win Essex play off semi final

Essex League champions, Erks, progressed comfortably into the Play Off Final after a 90 - 61 point win over Scorpions on Sunday afternoon. Mark Denchfield (aka Drench) top scored with 41 points including 9 treys.

Erks will face the winner of Tuesday's Hammers v Southend Saints game in the Essex League play off final.

(Posted 20.04.09)

Gintaras win play off final

Gintaras continue to dominate the EMBL with an 82 - 74 win against Cardinals in the EMBL play off final on Sunday afternoon.

(Posted 20.04.09)

Gintaras knock out Erks in semi

Erks' failure to beat Cardinals meant they faced EMBL champions Gintaras in the play - off semi final on Tuesday 14th. Unfortunately (for Erks) Gintaras were the stronger team on the night and ran out comfortable 52 - 68 winners.

(Posted 20.04.09)

Cardinals win puts Erks in 4th

Erks lost their final regular season game 86 - 89 at home to Cardinals tonight. Tied at 74 at the end of regulation time, the loss, after overtime, means that Erks finish the EMBL in fourth place and will travel to Gintaras for the play off semi final.

(Posted 05.04.09)

It's Hammer-time...again!

Erks booked their place in the Essex Cup final with a 78 - 69 point win over Saints on Friday night. Piotr Prazych top scored for the Erks with 31 points. Report here.

Erks' opponents in the final will be Hammers.

(Posted 04.04.09)

Erks claim Essex title

A stellar 58 point performance by Piotr Prazych led Erks to an 88 - 64 point win at Stealers on Sunday 29th. The result means that Erks will win the League title given their favourable head to head and points difference totals compared to Hammers and Saints. Game report here.

(Posted 30.03.09)

Erks avenge Saints defeat

Mark Denchfield drained 8 three pointers as Erks comfortably avenged their earlier loss at Saints with a 103 - 60 point margin on Friday night. Report here.

(Posted 29.03.09)

Back to back wins

Erks maintained their playoff push with back to back wins this week at Tigers in the EMBL and then on Friday against Mavericks in the Essex league.

(Posted 24.03.09)

Erks bounce back

After suffering the buzzer beater loss on Friday night, Erks bounced back to winning ways with an 86 - 69 win at Fire on Sunday 15th. Piotr Prazych top scored with 34 points. Report here.

(Posted 16.03.09)

Gintaras by one

Ginatras visited Erks on Friday 13th and came away with a one point victory, 84 - 85, thanks to a miracle buzzer beater by Darius. Report here.

(Posted 14.03.09)

Erks clip Eagles

Erks visited Baddow Eagles tonight and left with a 94 - 75 win. Full report coming soon.

(Posted 05.03.09)

Stars triumph at Erks

Erks' unbeaten home record was shattered by Stars who won 79 - 91 on Friday 27th. The loss essentially leaves Gintaras and Stars as favourites for the EMBL title this year. Full report here.

(Posted 03.03.09)

Erks remain 100% unbeaten at home

Brentwood Fire were the latest team to fall to the Erks on Friday 20th. Mark Denchfield top scored with 27 points. Full report here.

(Posted 25.02.09)

Saints thrash Erks

Erks' EBL title hopes were smashed by Saints who won 57 - 77 on Tuesday 10th. Report here.

(Posted 13.02.09)

Erks beat Lakers

Erks beat Lakers 95 - 75 on Friday night. Peter Prazych led the Erks with 35 points. Report here.

(Posted 08.02.09)

Erks beat Stars by 1

Erks returned to winning ways with a 79 - 78 win over Stars on Sunday. Report here.

(Posted 25.01.09)

Erks lose by 3

Hammers proved too strong for Erks on Friday night winning 87 - 90. More details soon.

(Posted 24.01.09)

Hammers seek revenge

Erks' next game is on Friday 23rd when they host Brightlingsea Sledgehammers. The visitors will be looking to avenge their earlier season loss so it should be an interesting game.

(Posted 23.01.09)

We're back!

Happy New Year to everyone! Erks have had two games since the Christmas break. On Friday 16th they defeated Scorpions 93 - 74 in the Essex League and this was followed by an 81 - 48 win on Tuesday 20th at Baddow Eagles 2 in the Essex Senior Men's Cup.

(Posted 23.01.09)

Season's Greetings from the Erks

We wish everyone a peaceful Christmas and a prosperous 2009. Erks will be back in action at Forest on Thursday, January 8th 2009.

(Posted 22.12.08)

Erks lose second EMBL game

Following the defeat by Gintatras the previous week, Erks lost a second game at Cardinals on Thursday night. The result was 65 - 70.

More details soon.

(Posted 05.12.08)

SCHEDULE CHANGE: Mavericks on Wednesday 17th December

We've just updated our EBL schedule with the new date.

(Posted 04.12.08)

MATCH REPORT: Gintaras give Erks first defeat

Erks went back to Sydney Russell on Tuesday 25th but Gintaras proved too strong and the visitors suffered their first defeat, 79 - 81, in the EMBL this season. Match report is now available.

(Posted 26.11.08)

Erks beat Lakers by one after OT

Erks defeated Lakers 76 - 75 after overtime on Friday night (21st).

(Posted 21.11.08)

Erks 115 Forest 45

Erks comfortably beat Forest 115 - 45 last Friday night in the EMBL.

Erks scorers: Mark Denchfield 27, Ants Roujiihainen 25, Declan McCusker 8, Martin Overare 20, Lee Atkinson 12, Jonny Lee 8, Dave Churches 15.

(Posted 19.11.08)

MATCH REPORT: Erks beat Hammers 91 - 86

Mavericks game date confirmed

Erks will visit Mavericks on Wednesday 10th December in the EBL.

(Posted 13.11.08)

Fire game date confirmed

Erks will now visit Brentwood Fire on Thursday 26th February in the EMBL.

(Posted 11.11.08)

Erks beat Eagles

Erks won their third Essex Basketball League game on Friday night with a comfortable 79 - 53 point win over Baddow Eagles.

Erks scorers:
Pete 27, Mark 24 (all in a 15 minute period in the 1st and 2nd quarters), Martin 12, Keith 8, Garbage 4, Jon Lee 2, Ants 2 but 5 fouls

(Posted 10.11.08)

More changes to schedule

The EMBL and EBL schedules have been updated.

(Posted 06.11.08)

Brentwood Fire game postponed

The EMBL game originally scheduled for Sunday 16th November at Brentwood Fire has been postponed.

(Posted 05.11.08)

Essex Basketball League Schedule now posted

We've added the Essex Basketball League Schedule to our EBL team page.

(Posted 31.10.08)

Baddow Eagles game moved to 7th November

Erks' next home game will be on November 7th against Baddow Eagles. It was originally scheduled for Friday 31st October.

(Posted 30.10.08)

Essex Metro Schedule now posted

We've added the Essex Metro League schedule to our EMBL team page.

(Posted 27.10.08)

Erks defeat Saffron Walden

Erks registered their second win in the Essex League with a 90 - 69 performance over Saffron Walden.

Mark Denchfield hit 5 straight 3s from his first 5 shots to register 20 points in the first quarter. All 10 Erks contributed to the scoresheet in a hard fought win where the scoreline didn't reflect how close the game was. Erks' two new Eastern Europeans both made significant contributions with Pete hitting 18 and Ants hitting 7.

Erks scorers:
Mark Denchfield 32, Pete 18, Keith Pringle 9, Martin Overare 8, Ants Rouhijainen 7, Dave "Garbage Time" Churches 7, Robin French 3, Declan McCusker 2, Jonny Lee 2, Lee Atkinson 2

(Posted 26.10.08)

Erks tame Tigers by 61

Erks opened their EMBL account with a comfortable 100 - 39 point win over Eastbury Tigers.

New guard, Ants Rouhijainen, top scored with 25 points while Mark Denchfield (on left) added 23.

Erks scorers:
Ants Rouhijainen 25, Mark Denchfield 23, Dave "Garbage Time" Churches 17, Robin French 16, Declan McCusker 10, Martin Overare 9

(Posted 20.10.08)

Live updates enabled

One of the ways that we're using to keep the site up to date is via twitter. We'll be using it for latest scores from the games and to announce when new stuff goes up online.

You can follow our feed directly here.

(Posted 11.10.08)

New website launched

It was about time that we rejigged our website and we now finally have. We hope you like the new look and features. The old pages are still around and can be viewed here.

(Posted 10.10.08)

Erks win opener

Erks started their Essex League campaign with a convincing 94 - 78 point win at Southend Scorpions on Thursday 9th. Report coming soon.

(Posted 10.10.08)